Somewhere in a trash bin in Milwaukee our 2016 goals are written in ink on a wadded-up paper tablecloth. Jaw set in determination, the other woman and I locked eyes across the table. While sitting in an Italian restaurant recommended by my friend who’d been to the city before, she challenged the four of us to permanently record our plans for the year on the disposable surface. I didn’t realize the ultimate wound of betrayal and the promised victory that would come through my goal.
Rushing to grab a pen, I inscribed, “To publish a book.” The sweet irony is she helped me accomplish my dream when I wrote, “Dressing the Wound: Give yourself the Gift of Forgiveness.” Her dream? Well, that’s her story to tell; this is mine.
Unsuccess story
You should know, it’s not a success story, but rather more of an unsuccess story. Nevertheless, it’s a story of victory. A victory we are promised if we follow hard after Christ.
“Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us…” Hebrews 12:1 (HCSB)
Familiar story
Midway through that same year, I heard Lysa Terkheurst speak at a writer’s conference. Though she talked about her health crisis, I knew what she really meant.
There’s a certain faraway look in a woman’s eyes when she’s been sucker punched. A look you wouldn’t recognize unless you’ve seen it in the mirror.
I’ve spent a lot of time talking about my own health. Some of you even believed, “Dressing the Wound” was about that kind of struggle, but my physical challenges were only training ground for the ultimate betrayal.
Lysa went nuclear with her news, while I stayed silent until the hidden unraveling was beyond repair. Everyone knew I wanted a different ending. The truth is, nothing teaches you the heart of Christ like loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 (NIV)
Give yourself the gift of forgiveness
Back to our dreams. The words I wrote in my book were wrenched up out of my soul when my heart was shattered to pieces. I always say, “It’s not a book to read; it’s a book to do.” Now I am the one who needs to do it. You see, forgiveness isn’t something to check off the list and move on when the knife in the back keeps twisting.
So here’s what I wrote and here’s what I needed to hear and what I needed to do. Maybe you can relate.
“Imaginations run wild. Endless scenarios play like mini-series in the mind. Each episode features a different confrontation with the offender. I’ve done it and you probably have too. I envision unloading bottled-up arguments to defend my case. Maybe you fantasize about unleashing your emotions or exacting revenge. Like a cliffhanger ending, it never satisfies. The possibilities are endless and the resolution is elusive.
Resist the natural tendency to speak words to evoke conviction, which is the Holy Spirit’s job, not ours. You may change someone’s mind, but only God can change a heart. He alone convicts, forgives and heals. It’s one more reason to pray for the one who wounded you. Pray for them to find healing in Christ and trust Him for justice. Refusal to forgive does not vindicate the hurt; it only allows Satan an opportunity to take advantage of us.”
“for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Ephesians 4:27 (NLT)
The ultimate wound and promised victory
It’s over now – we all lost, but that’s not my battle to fight anymore. I am whole, not seamlessly whole, but rather taped and glued together whole. And, I am free and have given myself the gift of forgiveness. And that is the ultimate victory, no matter how deep the wounds.
“Victory comes from you, O Lord. May you bless your people.” Psalm 3:8 (NLT)
My little book sold over 1,000 copies. Apparently, that’s not nearly enough for an agent to represent me in my newest book. If you or someone you know is struggling to forgive, would you consider ordering a copy? Click here for the link.
Thanks, you’re the best. You really are, or I’d quit writing.
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I just ordered your book & am really looking forward to reading it! Maybe someday I could have you sign it!