I WENT THERE
I shouldn’t have; I knew better; I did it anyway and now, I regret it. When you look with your eyes, your heart follows. Consider yourself warned, that’s how it happens. It happens quickly and it’s harder to get back once you are there. Are you sure you want to go there?
Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” NIV
I was scrolling through the camera roll on my phone and saw a face I recognized. Yes, it was mine, but not the same one I saw looking back at me from the mirror this morning. Then there were pictures of activities: bicycling, zip lining, snow skiing, boating, running, swimming, climbing, hiking and even hammering. Last spring, I went to Mexico and hammered chicken wire onto a small house. They needed a woman to serve on the construction team I was the obvious choice. I’m pretty sure it was the biceps, but that was another body, another life. You are welcome to join me on my nostalgic trip through the camera roll, but only if it makes you smile.
Are you sure you want to go there?
I could feel sorry for myself and throw a justifiable pity party. Gee, I think I missed my quiet time this morning because I completely lost my focus, but I need to tell you this, just in case you know exactly what I am talking about. Actually, I opened my Bible this morning to look up a reference about Elijah, who sat down under a broom tree and wanted to die. Thankfully, I have never been there, and I don’t have a broom tree. I’m not really sure what one even looks like, but that set the tone for the day.
Lamentations 3, “I am the man who has seen affliction…He has caused my flesh and my skin to waste away…He has walled me in so that I cannot go out; He has made my chain heavy…So I say, ‘my strength has perished, and so has my hope from the Lord.” NASB
I AM NOT STAYING THERE
Dishing out a lot of advice, I write what the Lord is teaching me and share it with you. Today I read it back to myself because I needed to hear it. More importantly, I need to follow it. Ever noticed it is easier to talk it than walk it?
More Lamentations 3, “Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, therefore I have HOPE. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease. For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is Your Faithfulness. The Lord is my portion says my soul. Therefore I have HOPE in Him. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.” NASB
HOPE
Hope is the difference. The words of Lamentations keep me from staying there, so I won’t complain. I know the way back and I’m going now.
More Lamentations 3, “For if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness. Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth? Why should any living mortal or any man, offer complaint in view of his sins? Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the Lord” NASB
My mom recently took me to Crystal Bridges Art Museum. Wherever we go, it’s necessary for me to be let off at the door because I have myasthenia gravis and can only walk short distances. The day was a cold and windy and I waited outside while she got the car. Sitting on a metal bench, I watched her try and figure out how to navigate the circle drive. Frustrated, she finally drove in the wrong way sending the attendant into a complete tizzy. When I got into the car she said, “I knew it was the wrong way, but…”
Yeah, me too.
I went the wrong way and ended up in a hard place. Anybody? There is a very simple remedy. Go back and turn around.
PLEASE DON’T ENCOURAGE ME
You will feel compelled, but that’s my job, so let me do it. I want to encourage you and I take it very seriously. I have always been a cheerleader at heart. Really, I am doing very well, but I want to be honest because I had a moment. The stages of grief are real. I have experienced denial, anger and bargaining and I am hoping these few hours count as depression so I can move on to acceptance. I share this so you will know I am not just writing this; I am living it. I am not pretending either. You are invited to follow my personal journey, maybe we have something in common. If not, please feel free to share with someone else.
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Sometimes finding the way back is difficult. The path is there, taking it is what hurts. Learning it can be difficult to accept. Beating it may be against the odds. Living with it, that’s the trick!
So true. For me it’s the word. Just writing the scriptures helps me instantly.
Cheer on! 😉
Go team!!
I can relate! But, it serves no purpose for me to stay “there” either. God encourages me by knowing Who He is and that He uses all things for HIS glory. Thanks for sharing, sometimes we put doctors on a ‘higher plane”. Its a good reminder for us to know we all go through suffering at one time or another as did the Christ’s disciples. I want to be like Paul and Silas as they sang praises in prison.
Singing always helps. Thanks
Words of Wisdom.
Experience is the best teacher.
while I was stopped at a stoplight, I got a ding on my phone that told me I had an email. When I found out it was your blog, i pulled over to the side of the road, over by the west side Church of Christ, and read it. Great stuff! I look forward to your blogs!
🙂 be wonderful, Life is now
I like that..life is now. You, you, you always get to me!
I love your blog. Even though I’m not going through your same situation, I can relate in so many ways. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks. Knowing that what I am going through can encourage others keeps me going. God bless.
When I read this post today, I thought of two times when I felt terrified, weak, and helpless–and both times it was your peace and calm, your skill and care that saved me.
I look forward to everything you write.
That seriously means the world to me thanks
Vicky, I have a “moment” whenever I see a long distance runner running down the road. Still. After 19 years with MG. Myreactions have mellowed from despair and rage to wistful longing. Then I imagine myself in heaven, going for a really LONG run, after a long worship. Such hope in heaven.
I definitely know that longing feeling! Thanks
Like many, I have been inspired by your blog and have shared it with others. You encouraged me before mg and are still encouraging me after mg. May your accomplishments and the strengths of the past reflect in your future. Everything changes everyday so hang in there, tomorrow will be a better day.
Deuteronomy 31:8
8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Everything does change everyday for everyone! Thankfully His mercies are new every morning.
Hang in there! I thank you for the verses today. I don’t go to the Old Testament as much as I should. Praying for you every day, as well as myself, that I will have your faith and strength to fight life’s battles. Hope your day gets better.
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You have been through so much, thankfully His mercies are new every morning!
Dearest Vickie,
I’m late, here, having spent the last few days at the house of a friend who’s lost her 48-year-old husband to a stroke. Someone has to tend her pre-school son and someone has to tend to her, and the honor has fallen to me.
I am in this position without my Bible, due to the suddenness of all this, and a giant snowfall that has slowed all contact and almost all travel. The Bible in this house was her husband’s and she hugs it close, sleeps with it. I get that. But I needed some input here, just the right word for this dear friend who, understandably, is delirious with grief every night at about 2 a.m.
This article, the Scripture here, will help so much..
Thanks.
Please pray for us all.
How tragic. Will be praying for you and this family. Glad you consider it an honor to minister in their time of desperate need. God bless
I always enjoy your post. I think life’s conflicts/illnesses slow us down so we can focus and enjoy the really important blessings in our life.
That is crazy but oh so true!
Doc, Thanks again. You are blessing my life.
Thanks! God bless
Just read “Don’t Go There”. It’s such a blessing to see you triumph during these trials with MG. Even in moments of your emotional or maybe mental weakness, you remain strengthened for your journey. God is great! My journey doesn’t seem to involve MG; but, we all travel down different trails in life, with their own set of stumbling stones. Thanks for your words of encouragement, through this blog. I’m glad you are doing well!! What wonderful memories you have, as revealed in your pictures. May you continue to make new, wonderful memories. Margaret
It is a process, that is for sure. But the blessings are there. Glad I can share. I have some pretty cool memories involving a certain neighbor too!
You’re pictures did make me smile and brought back memories. You were the woman for the job in Tijuana and I will miss you this spring. Thank you for encouraging me!
Thanks for taking the picture. Glad you are going back. Hammer some nails for me!
Grief without self-pity, that’s been a tricky road. Thanks for sharing your beautiful day-to-day story.
Gotta stay focused, thanks for joining me
I love the fact that ” God’s mercies are new every morning”. Have a good morning! Love you and what you’re doing.
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One morning soon after I was diagnosed, those words from Lamentations really ministered to me. That same day, I received a card in the mail from you with the same verse! Thank you
I am reminded of how Jesus answered Satan when he was tempted with “It is written”. Scripture is so powerful to Christians and gives us peace in such difficult times. Thanks for your example of using scripture to encourage and witness to all of us. Love you.
Yes, it’s my lifeline for sure. Thanks
HI Vickie, I have contacted you before, I have Parkinsonâs Disease and initially alerted your Mother to have you see a movement disorder specialist after she described your symptoms one Sunday morning. We pray for you each Sunday morning and many of us pray for you daily. I know prayer changes things and it is wonderful to hear that you are having some better days.
Your influence with many people is boundless. I know you are revealing your heart and your life in these blogs.
Thanks so much for all you are doing in the face of adversity. It is plainly evident that God still has a ministry for you.
Karen Garner
I will explore that, but feel free to have her email me. Thanks for the prayers, it means so much to me and my parents
Sometimes looking back, even sometime painfully, is the only way we can put ourselves in the position of looking forward. I will pray that your “forward” lifts you up in a mighty way.
We prayed with your dad over you yesterday in our SS class. You are so loved. I hope you received the blessing of being lifted up by so many who care. So many who are strengthened by your words.
I definitely received the blessing. That means so much to me and my family. Thank you so much for your encouragement as well.
Thank you Vickie for your transparency! I love His words: “His mercies are new every morning!” I love the hope in those words. Thank you for putting words to the hurt and focusing on the hope!
The Word is always my hope, thanks for joining me