She laid it on the table like a challenge. Though I knew her through an online writing group, I never got a sense she wrote much and she seemed to be floundering with her purpose. While on the West coast for meetings and a speaking engagement, I made arrangements to meet her in person. I came to encourage her, but what I found was not someone floundering with purpose, instead I met someone brimming with wisdom and glowing with the presence of her savior. Then she tossed this out,
“the scariest prayer you can pray, is Lord let me see myself as you see me.”
~Dianne
Uh, no thanks. Not sure I’m that brave. How do I look? I don’t think I want to know.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts.” Psalm 139:23 ESV
She knew she was dying
Looking past her all-too-perfect hair, I noticed her eyeliner was a bit crooked. As I sat across from this slightly older woman, I pretended not to notice her eyebrows drawn on with a color that didn’t quiet match. Meanwhile, my sister sat beside me and prodded wisdom out of this beautiful woman’s years of experience in ministry. Pausing, she smiled and said something to indicate she knew she was dying. After all, isn’t that the only way to live?
Not long after, I saw a picture of her on Facebook sitting in a wheelchair, both arms raised overhead, belting out “Amazing Grace”. Three days later she met Amazing Grace in person.
Inspiration
My sister thinks she was the interesting person she’s ever met, but I wanted to leave that scary prayer alone. Nevertheless, God answered anyway; without me asking the Lord let me see myself. My reflection was ugly and I was powerless to change it.
“Just as water mirrors your face, so your face mirrors your heart.” Proverbs 27:19 MSG
How do I look?
Seeing myself was as painful as fluorescent lights in the department store mirror coupled by winter’s lack of pigment. And I think I’ll just stop right there. Ugh, this is not how I looked in my closet mirror, covered in clothes and illuminated by a 60 watt bulb. That’s the image I prefer.
“For you examine us every morning and test us every moment.” Job 7:18 NLT
Trading outfits
A tan won’t cover it, losing 5 pounds won’t improve it and gravity is continually relentless. There are a lot of self-help books and techniques available to help you de-clutter, detox and decide what to do next, but they won’t change the way God sees you. How do you look?
Are you brave enough to ask?
“They hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?'” Genesis 3:8-9 NIV
Let’s quit hiding; He’s calling for us too. Be brave. Pray the prayer.
You really had to do this today!! Floundering? Wondering? I don’t even like how I look in the mirror. I want to reflect God in my face, my words and deeds and fail so often. Working on it!
I hear ya! Same here sister
I have prayed that prayer several times over the years. He doesn’t show me the ugly side of me, heck he knows I already see that part of me and he brings me to himself for healing.
Instead he opens my eyes to see myself clothed in righteousness, forgiven, radiant, loved, wanted and free. All this because of Jesus.
Amen! He trades our sins for His robe of righteousness
Oh friend – I LOVED this entry…I even accepted the challenge as my Lenten discipline this year 💜 https://www.djranch.org/2019/03/10/haibun-forty-days-of-lent/