Clipping is illegal in football, but emotions never play by the rules. One minute, I’m walking through the living room minding my own business, the next I’m blindsided by waves of grief, anger, or regret. Coming out of nowhere, feelings shove me on the floor. Flat on my back, I’m gasping for air. Anyone besides me need to learn how to balance emotions when life is unfair?

This isn’t fair. I cry foul.

So many platitudes of comfort and lies. It’s not ok and never the same. Life goes on, it’s true. But on to where? When God wrenches something out of your hands, He stands ready to fill them with His presence and His love. But, often, we clench empty hands into fists and pound against what is surely unfair. Emotion drives us to grasp for things to fill the spaces and quiet the feels.

Balancing act

When first learning to ride my road bicycle with both feet clipped to the pedals, I sometimes forgot to unclip and fell over like a tree. Seems balancing on two wheels is a whole lot harder when you’re not moving forward. Rehearsing past hurts in your mind and looping back to the same old thoughts doesn’t move you forward any faster than spinning your tires in the sand. Emotions are no different; they snag you by the collar, tether you to the past (or future for that matter) and send you crashing to the asphalt.

Time for change

Life isn’t fair. Hate to tell you, it’s true and there’s nothing you can do about it. Though you can’t always change your circumstances, you can control your response. My mother says,

“Your circumstances don’t determine who you are, they reveal it.”

~ Mom (but probably not originally)

Taming emotions is hard work

Feelings are the flavors of life. Though they color our world, we can’t allow them to overpower us. So, we all need to know how to balance emotions when life is unfair.

Five steps to balance emotions when life is unfair

Run. Play. Practice. Sleep. Repeat.

Run

Name your emotion: fear, anger, bitterness, worry, sadness, regret. Now take it to the Lord and ask Him to change your hurt. You can’t help what you feel, but you can ask God to reign over and rein in your emotions. Ask for the oil of joy to be poured out when you feel despair. Cover your spirit with a cloak of praise.

“and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair…” Isaiah 61:3a (NIV)

Play

Instead of allowing emotions to control your actions, use actions to control your emotions. Install some new buttons that align with truth. Moods are real, but they shift faster than the weather. Stormy clouds can part with the sunshine of music. Not just feel good stuff, but worship and praise. When your attention is on your Creator, your mind aligns properly and influences your feelings.

“Sing a new song to the Lord! Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!” Psalm 96:1 (NLT)

Practice

After you name the emotion, identify the trigger. What triggers your emotions? Functional change is empowered by identifying what pushes your buttons. Understanding gives you more control.

Next, rehearse a different response. If this always leads to that, either stay away from this or go somewhere besides that. It takes practice and deep heart work. That work starts in the Word.

“But the words you speak come from the heart – that’s what defiles you.” Matthew 15:18 (NLT)

Let scripture influence your emotions, but never let your emotions influence scripture.

Sleep

Every day is an opportunity for a fresh start. The weight of the previous day rises with the sun as His mercies are new every day. Even when sleep is elusive, perspective usually brightens in morning. So sleep on it; lay your head on your pillow, even if it’s damp with salty tears. Get up and start your day with praise.

“Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5 (ESV)

Repeat

Are you acting like a puppet controlled by out-of-control emotions? Run to the Lord, practice patience and self-control, anticipate every new day and keep doing it until your emotions are balanced, because they don’t always play fair. Play worship music and sing along. Practice a different response. Anticipate hope for tomorrow and keep on doing it until you win control over your emotions in an unfair world.

“You’ve all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-25 (MSG)

I’ve lived through some times where I thought I’d never get off the floor. My life was interrupted by disease and disappointment. But God showed me that no matter what, He is always faithful and uses those times of intermission to bring about His purpose. Will you sign up for Intermission Summit? Here’s what you’ll get – occasional email updates and a monthly video that illustrates biblical interruptions in a fun and encouraging way. Exclusively to those who register, this won’t be available on social media or to blog subscribers. So sign up today. This free event starts soon!

Recipe for connection

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