Excuse me, I think I misplaced my emotions. The reaction was about something else entirely and we both knew it. This time…

Wedding day

It’s our most treasured moment. Sitting silently in the balcony, we inhaled the details of the day. The florist spoke so softly in the sanctuary that we couldn’t hear, but his assistants obediently tucked pink flowers among eucalyptus. The result was breathtaking.

Since we arrived four hours before the ceremony, everyone was relaxed. So far, I remembered to pack everything we needed, including clear packing tape. But that’s another story.

Hello jitters

Someone did forget to buy false eyelashes, which was remedied with a quick run to Walgreens. Hair was sculpted and make-up brushed on like an artist’s painting. The results were stunning.

After applying my own make-up, I squeezed white glue onto the right eyelash and lined it up with my lash line. “Mom!” the bride shouted, “that’s too much glue.” Sure, I had white globs on my lid, but the curved lashes batted just right. Besides, it dried clear. The result was a fight for control.

Who’s in control?

“Here, let me do that.” She applied a thin line of glue in all the right places and smoothed it over the skin of my left eye. I blinked and felt a bit of a shift. When I blinked again, the glue smeared to the places where gravity displays it’s cruelest work. Finally, the eyelash attached itself near up my eyebrow. The crooked thing slipped unpredictably every time my lid moved. It was a sight to see.

Ripping it off in frustration, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I needed something I could control. Please tell me you’re laughing because it was funny.

Control

Brushing my teeth was something I could control and I recognized it, but I don’t always. We all do things in desperation for security or comfort that have nothing to do with the real issue. When life is out of control, we shop; we eat; we focus on trivial details totally unrelated to the real issue.

The result is striving

The truth is you aren’t in control anyway, neither am I, but we exhaust ourselves trying to find something to control when everything else is out of control. It medicates and soothes temporarily, but it leaves us striving.

Sometimes I recognize when it’s about something else; sometimes I don’t. Even harder is realizing that when others are getting testy, it might be the jitters and not the thing I think.

Maybe we should all be a little more patient with ourselves and with others.

Peace

It all boils down to one truth. God is in control and He can be trusted. Once we learn to rest in His sovereignty and trust that He is good, we can pry our fingers off the stuff that really matters and in the process, release all the little things that aren’t really the things. The result is peace.

I’m not there. My head knows I’m not in control; my mouth says I trust God, but my actions show I’m trying to manipulate and fix and solve and when I come to the end of myself – I’ll just brush my teeth. What will you do? What is the result?

Though I’m not there yet, I’m learning. My fingers are frozen in this grip around the things I want to control and hold onto. It takes work to move joints that are locked into place, but I’ll do it. Because the result is worth it.

Resting

The result is resting in a trustworthy God who is in control of a universe that seems to spin out of control in a million directions. He knows. He knows what happened yesterday, today and tomorrow and He isn’t caught off guard. Not ever. Faith is believing in things unseen. Take your eyes off the globs of glue, the crooked eyelashes and put down the toothbrush. He’s coming for His bride and she will be beautiful.

If you’re a romantic, here’s another wedding post.

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