“I’m struggling to connect at church.” Though the words were carefully rehearsed to express what we felt, I might as well have spoken in a foreign language and accidentally insulted someone. But listen, God always, always has a plan and it really is for good.

“All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

Struggling to connect at church

Let’s face it, sometimes churches are hard places to connect. You walk in and maybe you don’t know anyone, and they don’t know you, but they don’t know if they’re supposed to know you, so they don’t introduce themselves. Or maybe they just walked in too and they think you’ve been there a long time and are waiting for you to connect with them. Sure, some churches are cliquey, but most just aren’t designed to welcome newcomers or connect members. I’ve had this discussion before and usually the blame is on the one who is disconnected. You know, they hang back and don’t talk to anyone; they sit alone and don’t make an effort. While that may be true, it’s not true for me. Yet I’m struggling to connect at church.

“Their [apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers] responsibility is to equip people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ.” Ephesians 4:11 (NLT)

Church hurt

Disconnected church members aren’t equipped, and it’s easy to stay disconnected when you aren’t equipped. Disconnection makes it easier to tear down than build up. We ought to stick together like glue. Instead, we often further wound the wounded. If you know, you know. It’s called church hurt.

New beginnings

It sounds strange in my own ears to say, but I’m a newlywed! Lots of new beginnings and everything is in transition. One of the hardest things was leaving my church where I found true connection.

Last Sunday we got to the new-to-me church early. The pastor was on FIRE and preached an awesome sermon and kept the first service attendees a little later than normal. So, we sat in the lobby at one of the cute little bistro tables for about twenty minutes and sipped a cup of coffee. Watching people go by, I made several observations. First of all, I guess white boots are in style this year and I’m not so sure I like them. Second, there is some diversity in the church, but it seems to be a fairly young congregation. It’s probably the music. My dad hated that “rock and roll Jesus music.” Lastly, no one spoke to us. No one.

“Greet one another with a holy kiss.” 2 Corinthians 13:12 (ESV)

Yeah, nobody kissed us either, but I’m not sad about it.

Void of connection

Feeling the void, we sat down in the sanctuary and an attractive young lady walked up to the microphone to make an announcement. She introduced herself and asked a question, “Are you struggling to connect at church?” Gosh I nearly jumped up and raised my hand and shouted, “Yes!” She went on to describe how newcomers could get plugged in. I couldn’t wait to check it out. Imagine my disappointment when I found connections for those with infertility, married with children, men at 8:30 (where do these men work?), women in the middle of the workday (excludes working women), and singles. I wonder if putting people in buckets is a good idea, because buckets are round and people aren’t.

“Now you are the body of Christ and each one of you is a part of it.” 1 Corinthians 12:27 (NIV)

How do we connect?

How are we going to function as a body if we aren’t connected? I guess the bigger question is how do we connect? I’m not sure, but I’ll keep trying on this side of the equation. If you’re on the other side, would you do me a favor? Look for someone who is alone (even if it’s a couple) and invite them into your circle. Introduce yourself to someone; if you aren’t sure, you can say, “Good to see you, I’m _________.”

Programs may not be the answer, but opportunities need to be available. A church will never recognize when their members are missing without intentionality, and for that matter, accountability. Bring it on.

Church may hurt sometimes, but don’t give up. Here’s what I’ve seen work:

Multigenerational groups inclusive of all stages and shapes of life. Everybody doesn’t need to look like us.

Rather than a few minutes to meet and greet, dedicated connection time smack in the middle of the service.

Family church gatherings to share a meal and share what’s going on.

Go find those who are MIA; it’s everyone’s responsibility.

Will you do something?

What if every church member committed to do one thing, Just one thing to help someone connect. Will you?

Introduce yourself

Invite someone to lunch after church, because Sunday can be the hardest day of the week.

Exchange phone numbers with someone you don’t know

And hey, will you do it this Sunday? I’m struggling to connect at church and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

Women’s events are great places to meet new people and get to know others. If you need a speaker for your event, take a look HERE. I am a newlywed, so I’m booking for 2023 to give me time to get settled.

Post pandemic, I think our need for connection is magnified. I’d love to have you on my newsletter email list. The focus is connection, although the next couple will be wedding details if you’re interested! You can sign up HERE.

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