God hates divorce and so do I
Writing is my therapy, so these words were inked long ago, but I kept them to myself because I didn’t have the guts to share and I didn’t want to accept the inevitable. Then the facts were thrust into the spotlight in front of the world so there’s no point in hiding the news I didn’t want to share – God hates divorce. Me too.
My marriage of three decades is over. It’s definitely not what I want, and I will always love the curly-headed football player I met in the halls of high school, but our versions of the past and future are irreconcilable.
Perhaps my book on forgiveness, my posts about a broken-heart and references to desperation for God make more sense now that you know. Friends have walked this hard road with me and I am eternally grateful. My life group embraced my fragile heart and ministered to me without judgment. I pray for my husband every day, especially that God raises up an army of men to support him with love and truth. He was a good man and did more right than he did wrong.
Without my friends I couldn't get back up, without God I wouldn't want to #Divorce #friends Click To TweetThe news I didn’t want to share – God hates divorce
Ex-wife feels like failure to me; a label I never wanted my family to wear. I’ll never be the same, none of us will, but I’m more whole than I’ve ever been. Suffering sanctifies and though I would not have chosen this hard path, I know Christ in a way I wouldn’t if I were on easy street.
Pray for us, not just me and the kids, but pray for my man too.
Original drawing by Amy Smith. Used with permission.
I totally agree. It has been 1 year and 7 months since my divorce was final. I felt my heart had been ripped out and yet I was still alive. I lay on the floors for days in a pool of tears. My body traumatized from the inside out.
We were doing what The LORD had laid on our heart to do and He led the path. I know how Job felt as he try to convince his ‘friends’.
The lies, the scheming by a man I know longer knew. After 21 years of marriage- how could he cheat and lie like this. What happened to his relentless love? His unconditional love?
Then the kiss of betrayal by 2 international college students – to call me ‘mom’, kiss me good night, accept love and generosity yet have a sexual affair with my husband at the same time. Where was the remorse, the feelings of guilt?
I praise God that over the past months He has shown me His unfailing and unconditional love! He has given me life after death and carried me many times when I could barely breathe. God has become my Jehovah Jirah – He provides my everything. He has given me peace, support from family, friends and a true loving church family. Forgiveness has been essential in my healing. To lay all these events at the foot of The Cross of Jesus. To accept life in a ‘new normal’. To work for Jesus in new ways. I don’t wear a big red ‘D’ as my identity – I walk daily in SONshine!!
Praying for you
I can’t even imagine what the pain of divorce feels like. Chris and I are praying for you and Kenny. I know God will continue to hold you and heal your broken heart. This is one of those very, very ugly wrapped presents, but I know there is a beautiful gift inside designed especially for you. You just may not be able to see it yet. Love you, dear friend.
Yes it is. Just spoke twice at a church and needed to hear my own message. Honestly, I’m doing great. I’m not living the life I wanted, but it’s a really good life
I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this pain – your family, your friends; so many are impacted by divorce. You may still ‘feel’ like his wife for a long time and that makes for awkward situations but you will get through it.
You already know these things, but it’s comforting to know you’re not alone. I’m proud of you for continuing to seek Christ and to recognize that your ex husband (there’s that awful word) is still a good man with redeeming qualities although he has hurt you. Good people do bad things – it took me far too long to learn that lesson.
I’m in complete agreement that God hates divorce, yet, He is more than capable of making beauty from these ashes. Your heart will soar again.
Sending love and prayers for you, your entire family, and your friends.
Thank you for your beautiful words
That verse is incorrectly translated. It doesn’t say, “God hates divorce”. I wrote a post mentioning it a little bit. It’s about being married to an addict, not about divorce but it’s something that I really feel people need to understand because they think that God hates THEM and they have failed. God doesn’t want anyone’s marriage to fail. It grieves Him. It doesn’t fill him with hatred. What does anger him is the one “who has dealt treaterously with his wife”. I’m so sorry that your marriage didn’t work out but I am more sad that you feel that way! God is crying there, right beside you. Not because He’s disappointed but because He loves you so much and thinks you’re so special and He wants your spouse to love you that way too. ❤️🤗 I only wrote a tiny blurb but if you want to read it, it’s here: https://greyministries.com/blog/when-to-leave-an-addict-part-two
I think you misunderstood my intent. God does hate divorce. Who doesn’t? It’s not His plan, but I don’t feel any condemnation from the Lord at all. He knows my heart and I have sought Him every step of the way
Hang in there! It’s hard to face the reality as a failure; but, you will move on to new victories with Christ! You are His bride!
And He is forever
Sending hugs and prayers your way.
Thank you
I hope to read more from you on this topic; even though it is such a painful one. How did you know when it was time to “concede”? Are some people meant to be together for a stage of life instead of for life? I’m in a confusing time myself.
This will be long, but I feel like I should answer since you are in a confusing time and I’ve been walking this journey for over three years. The short answer is – the turning point for me was when I realized that the more I loved him, the more he seemed to despise me. It was at this point I lost hope for reconciliation even though I believe that when we make vows we should honor them, for better or worse. Without spelling things out, I filed for divorce over a year ago for the only biblical reason I know. Then 7 months ago the Lord clearly called me to live the gospel. I know for certain because I was seeking God and trying to understand how to proceed. Christ died for us while we were still His enemies. God is faithful when we are faithless. I memorized 1 Corinthians 13 and tried to practice biblical love, but we don’t have much contact since he left a year and a half ago. Honestly it seemed to drive him further away, though I will never understand why except deception is powerful and every word of Proverbs 5 is true. I stayed in God’s word and cried out to Him until I had nothing left. I fought for my man every way I knew how, but after much counsel and complete peace, I knew it was a losing battle. I guess the bottom line is, it is my husband’s choice. If he ever decided to choose me, I would love, cherish and honor him until death do us part. In the meantime, I’ll seek God with my whole heart and He is enough. If your husband is willing to work on your marriage, I would recommend reading the books I mentioned in the post. However, if he isn’t you should read, “Love Must Be Tough” by James Dobson. Boundaries are necessary. I hope this helps. I will pray for you to have wisdom and to experience the heart of Christ like I have.
Thank you!
Sad for you both, but trusting God through it!
Me too. God has a plan
Vickie I have watched you struggle and walk this journey over the recent years and know that you have given it your all. I always said that next our decision to accept Christ as our personal Savior, deciding to get married is the biggest decision we make and when that marriage falls apart, we feel that we have failed at this all important decision. My heart goes out to you and my prayers are that God continues to protect your heart and guide you. Your name is actually written down on my list of names that I mention in prayer during my quite time. I love you!!!!
I love you too and so appreciate your prayers. Just make sure his name is on there too
i will be happy to add him on. God is mighty and powerful and is able to break down every stronghold!!!!