The spiritual desert – living in the dirt
When a season of struggles is over, seems there should be a medal for finishing – a place of comfort where we’ve arrived. Instead, we wonder, “Where am I and how did I get here?”
Dry season
Every morning when my eyes opened, I looked uphill. Waking presents new opportunities for life to spin out of control. Climbing the mountain of change was hard; finding a desert on the other side even harder.
When the waters parted, I expected the promised land to be in sight. Why am I here; is this a normal place after the climb to the top? My counselor says it’s normal. What does she know?
Why am I here and how do I get out?
All, I know is I don’t want to wander for 40 years. For crying out loud, I won’t even live that long. Unless of course, eternity is the promised land and life on this earth is meant to be lived in the dirt.
Substituting distraction for priorities helped me survive, but that’s not victory. I needed to find myself – the surrendered Spirit-filled self. So I searched for me and searched for answers.
Feelings
Writing is therapy for me and my hurt, but when I didn’t hurt anymore, I wondered if I was numb. Wondering and wandering this broken road, I had more than I needed, yet couldn’t find what I was missing. Reading words on a page instead of the living word left me hungry. Saying words in my head instead of talking to a living God left me thirsty. Rehearsing what I know to be true, what I absolutely know to be true, but cannot feel kept me going.
“For we live by believing, not by seeing.” 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NLT)
I will walk by faith not by sight.
There’s no road map for this. I’ve tried all the stuff. You know, the things I’ve told you to do. Let me confess, it didn’t work. I asked God why and He seemed to hide. Why is He silent?
To my soul He whispered,
“Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!” Matthew 13:45-46 (NLT)
He does that to me – speaks in His language.
Pearl of great worth
Dry seasons result from sin, which separates us from God. But I wonder if sometimes He tests us to see if we’ll stick around until we find him.
Fighting for faith
He’s worth it: worth the effort, worth the struggle, worth the wait and worth the fight. If there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that fighting for your faith is worth it all.
Trust He is there in the dark. Faith is so simple, yet so very hard. Keep seeking; keep fighting.
Well, I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see.
Well, because this broken road, prepares your will for me.
Jeremy Camp
I’ve walked through the dirt-the desert of rejection, of doubt, of silent God, of fear, etc… He lovingly, and patiently gave me manna and quail. God bless,