Screechy jumbled words took me back to the start every time I pushed rewind on the old black cassette recorder. No matter how many times I played the tape, it sounded exactly the same. The past is the past. Yesterday is gone forever. It’s recorded as history and cannot be changed. What if you could go back and do it over? Would you?
If I knew now what I knew then, would I do it different?
I thought a lot about this as I read my own words from my earliest blogging days. Days when I could barely sit up, walk or drive. Days when the Lord’s presence was so real, I would trade anything for it. Yes, anything.
“Your faithful love is better than life.” Psalm 63:3b (HCSB)
My weakness, His strength
June is myasthenia gravis awareness month and the 4 year anniversary of my diagnosis so I reposted CHRONIC stILLNESS. You can read it here, and you should. But as I reread it I kept asking myself a question. Would I really push rewind and go back to my old life?
Would you?
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9b (NKJV)
Full life
The life filled with adrenaline from pedaling my bicycle; the life of exciting and sleepless nights delivering babies; the life with my high school sweetheart beside me on the porch? Yeah, I’d go back to that for sure. But not the self-reliant, prideful, worn-out, stretched-thin, semi-committed, semi-follower of Christ. No, I wouldn’t go back to that.
“Because you have depended on your own strength and on your many warriors.” Hosea 10:13b (NIV)
Not my choices
I would never choose myasthenia gravis and I certainly wouldn’t choose divorce, but I’m not sure I would trade the last 4 years either. My walk with the Lord gets sweeter and I am not the same. I will never be the same.
Blessings come through trials #Joy Click To Tweet“Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations.” 2 Corinthians 12:7 (MSG)
Full of life
God’s firm grip steadies me on this rocky road. He never lets me go, He never leaves and He never disappoints. He is always faithful. I know, because I know HIM so much more than I did before. And I wouldn’t trade that for all the health, wealth and happiness in the world.
“My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” John 10:10b (NLT)
I know I’m not alone
Whenever I speak of the Lord’s nearness during trials, heads bob in agreement. Survivors know. They know the strength and the very realness I’m talking about. And most agree, it’s worth everything, even the pain. I realize some of you can’t see the Lord at work, all you can see is your hurt. You wonder if you’ll survive. Over comers look beyond their circumstances and trust His purposes. Keep your eyes fixed on the healer, not the healing. Look up, He’s waiting to be near to you too. And believe me, it is worth it all.
How many times have I said that I wish I could go back to ____ knowing what I know now wanting a do-over. However, I know that I probably would make the same mistakes, the same sins, the same choices just because I am human. I am so thankful that God throws our sins as far as the east is from the west and remembers them no more. Psalms 103:12. I am also thankful that He has given you words to minister and encourage.
Thankfully He redeems all things
The hurt and loss are REAL, but praise God, He is the healer and does redeem all things. There is nothing sweeter than walking in the assurance that He will never leave us or forsake us regardless of our current circumstances. Thank you for sharing your heart of love and compassion.
I have always said there is not an age or time that i desire to go back to. I want to just live now and look forward to what lies ahead of me, never looking back.