The power of forgiveness
Deep under the covers, I rang in the New Year with my head fast asleep on my pillow by 8:30 p.m. Not exactly the life of the party. Six months after being diagnosed with a debilitating neuromuscular disease I was struggling with something nearly as incurable, unforgiveness. I learned the power of forgiveness and it set me free.
I did what I knew to do:
- Confess
- Choose forgiveness
- Acknowledge my own inability
- Ask for the power of the Holy Spirit
- Pray for my enemies to be blessed
Guess what? It didn’t work. Bitterness continued to rear its ugly head. I nursed a grudge.
Mark 6:19, “So Herodias nursed a grudge against John and wanted to kill him.” NIV
It is difficult to imagine a beautiful young woman given the opportunity to request anything, up to half of the kingdom, making a demand so gruesome as a righteous man’s head on a platter. I’m sure it didn’t start out that way. It started in small in her mother’s heart, then grew into a consuming grudge and infected her daughter. She nursed her grudge and she eventually got her wish. It makes me shudder to picture the scene.
Like all of nature, it grew because it was nourished.
Galatians 5:15-16, “If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” NIV
As a child I was a member of a book club. Each month I eagerly tore open the cardboard packaging to find three brand new books. My favorites were Dr. Seuss and The Berenstain Bears. I devoured them until I memorized every word. One story I read over and over was about a fish who grew too much. A young boy purchased the fish at a pet store and the owner sternly cautioned him to feed the fish only “this much” food. But the boy fed the fish more and more. The fish outgrew his bowl and had to be transferred larger and larger containers. He was relocated to the bathtub but eventually outgrew it too. The fish grew out of control because it was feed too much. That’s how it works. Be careful what you feed. It will grow.
Feed the spirit, starve the flesh.
Though I tried to rid myself of the burden’s weight, I carried it under my arm like a treasured pet. I fed it throughout the day, sometimes tossing it a few crumbs to keep it alive while other times I let it gorge on a full-blown feast. Whenever the issue came up in conversation, I gladly told my story again.
I gained sympathizers, but lost my freedom
I chained myself to someone who probably didn’t remember I existed and the miserable one was in the mirror. The hard thing I learned about forgiveness was that I had to do it over and over. Forgiveness for flawed humans is usually not a one-time episode. It requires continuous, repeated effort and supernatural strength.
Forgiveness Formula
I didn’t learn any magic secrets to forgiving, instead I went back to what I did in the beginning.
- Confess
- Choose forgiveness
- Acknowledge my inability
- Ask for the power of the Holy Spirit
- Pray for my enemies to be blessed
Mark 11:25, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” NIV
Thankfully when Jesus chooses to forgive, it is instant and permanent. It is a done deal. He said on the cross, “It is finished.” The penalty was paid and our sins were nailed to the cross cancelling our debt. But even for God, it is still a choice; a choice for Him to remember our sins no more.
God doesn’t forget, He chooses not to remember
His choice. It was a choice for me too, a freeing one.
By summer, my legs, shoulders and eyelids were stronger and didn’t feel quite so heavy. I was able to walk farther and not use a wheelchair. More importantly, my heart was lighter too. When I quit feeding the grudge, it started starving to death. Oh I still throw it a morsel every now and then, but it is so small it can’t pester me too much.
We’ve all been wronged by others. It is especially painful when it comes from someone we trust, even more so if it’s someone we love. Are you carrying a grudge? Lay that heavy thing down. Quit feeding it by telling the story to yourself or others. Do what you know to do, even if you have to do it over and over again. Remember, love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs.
Philippians 3:13-14 ,”Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward- to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.” MSG
Excerpted from “Dressing the Wound: Give Yourself the Gift of Forgiveness.”
“God doesn’t forget, He chooses not to remember
His choice. It was a choice for me too, a freeing one.”
Thank you for your insight into the word. I’ve read this passage and heard it preached on numerous occasions. However, I have never gleaned that truth. He chooses not to remember. It is a choice. Thank you Vickie for sharing this with me at a time in my life when memories of an act of abuse have resurfaced. Your words are medicinal. Bless you my sister!
Thank you. My words usually boomerang back to my own heart
This is such a powerful testimony! I especially relate to the fact that we have to repeatedly say no to the need to feed the grudge and remind ourselves how to walk in forgiveness. You give the perfect formula.
Thank you. Now to follow my own advice…
Thank you for the encouragement to actively seek freedom when we are hurt. No matter how justified we may feel in clinging to a grudge, the truth is that unforgiveness will kill us. How kind of God to make it clear that forgiveness is not a feeling but an act of the will. We can choose. I can choose. Thank you for the reminder!
Right back at you. I need reminding too!
This post is an addendum to my thanks noted above for your reminder to forgive. In reference to my post-divorce journey, friend recently stated, “Forgiveness equals health.” She is correct. As the distance from my divorce increases, so increases the realization of how hurtful my marriage had been. Awful memories that I had buried in an effort to survive are now bursting out of their graves. Yuck. And, Yay! While some of the memories still have the power to hurt me, I have a strange and glorious and amazing sense of freedom, of having been set free from the past. Yes, awful things happened. But as each painful memory rises, I choose to feel each hurt – and then forgive. Like wisps of smoke, the ghosts of the painful past are, one by one, being blown away by the breath of God’s sweet mercy and grace. I am grateful.
Sweet mercy and grace, that’s enough